Sunday, September 13, 2015


She was in newborn size at the hospital. The diapers had a yellow line that turns blue once wet. This was really great bc you could just open the blanket and look at the diaper. Since she was wearing a half shirt it also made it really easy to check.

She wore newborn diapers for about two weeks. Then she started size one. I can't believe how fast that happened. One day I just noticed that the newborn were getting hard to tape but the size one were too big.  I finished my supply of NB and moved up to one bc I did not want her to get pinched.

Now at 7 weeks, I think she is ready to move up again, but I am trying to finish out my supply of size one. I told my family who asked, to always buy me the next size, so I do have a nice supply of size 2 waiting for me.

She goes through many diapers in one day. It is crazy. She gets really fussy when wet. Sometimes it might only be 30 min. She will get really fussy and then I think to check the diaper and there is the blue line.

At first she would poop after almost every meal. I read that it is common for breast fed babies to have this reflex but not bottle fed. It was only a tiny amount and did not really have any aroma so it was easy to deal with.  As she got older, this started to change. She would a few times a day. There was more volume and it was thicker and more aromatic. Now she only goes once a day or every other day. It is really gross. It makes me nervous when she misses a day but the dr said it was normal. I even went online to check it out and looked at photos of baby poop to compare..........yes really I did that. It seems that they are only considered to be constipated when rocks come out.

My co workers had a shower for me last week and I got a diaper champ. I have been using it for almost a week and I have not filled it up yet, and I don't really smell anything. We will see how this progresses. I have two floors, so if I am downstairs I use the regular garbage. This is also something to see if I need to get another diaper pail for the downstairs or not. We have learned the importance of rolling the diaper up tight into a little ball.

My dh is getting better about doing diapers. At first he was really squeamish. He had never changed a diaper before. I did them exclusively for the first week while we got settled and then he started to take turns at my prompting. She moves around a lot and he had trouble getting the diaper to fit properly. He also has trouble mastering the concept of taking off the dirty one and quickly placing down a clean one down. He had a big accident with her pooping all over the changing table.... Now he is a pro and is really good about checking her stripe when grumpy and taking the initiative to change her.

Friday, September 11, 2015


While in the hospital, I made it clear to every nurse about our situation so they would not harass me about not breast feeding.  I had always planned to try it out, but it's out of my control now and I am okay with it. We bond during feeding. She looks up at me and grabs my finger. I get to hold her tight. Taking care of a little baby is really hard and I can't imagine all the extra work it takes to breastfeed including having sore leaky boobs etc. I give those women credit.

They gave me 2 ounce similac premixed bottles. They were great. You just unscrew the top and put on a nipple. They were very strict about how much to feed her. They told me about one ounce and it had to be at least 3 hours. They said her stomach was very small so we had to be careful.

She would become fussy and cry and my gut told me she was hungry. The nurses would not let me feed her until three hours had passed. I was up all night until about midnight when the nurses took all the babies to get their stats. She returned the baby asleep in a tight swaddle. I asked her how she got her to sleep. She  told me that she likes to suck on her gloved finger, so I should get her a pacifier at home bc the hospital does not stock them.

She went to sleep and I expected her to wake me up but she never did. I woke up around 6:30  am and thought she was dead. I jumped up and freaked out. I went over and woke her up. She was fine and had a bottle. The nurse got mad at me and told me that I should have woken her up... ERGH well nobody said anything so how would I know.

When the sw arrived, the baby was screaming again and I thought she was hungry but it had not been 3 hours. The SW said she had never heard such a loud cry from a newborn. She agreed that the baby was very hungry and got me some food. She said that sometimes when they do not get a lot of prenatal care they crave nutrients once born and try to make up for lost time.

We saw the dr the next day and I told him what the nurse said. The dr told me that I could feed her every 2-3 hours and that I should not wake her up to feed at night.

I used the premixed bottles for a few weeks. They were so easy and helped me through the chaos of moving etc. At some point I knew I would have to start mixing powdered formula due to the cost. My dh coworkers got us a formula machine that is amazing. She started using the powder during the day, but I still  use the premixed at night and when I travel. I am still transitioning my whole life and I need to keep some things simple.

She quickly increased her intake of formula. I tried to figure out how much to feed her. Some sites said 2.5 oz per pound her day, and she was doing a little less than that. I do a combo of child led and parent let feeding. I feed her if she awakes or is fussy in the 2-3 hour window. The dr said you can't really hurt her by giving too much bc if you over feed the baby it will spit up. I increased her amount slowly and I tried to watch her to see if she was still hungry after feeding. She never spits up and she will make a yuk face when she is not hungry.

At 7 weeks old, she is up to about 5 oz per feeding. At her last Dr Apt for her one month checkup, she had gained 2 pounds. She went up from 8 to 10 which he said was great. I expressed my fear that she was not eating enough. He said all moms feel that way. Then I reminded him that I am still under supervision so I worry that I will get into trouble.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015


When she was in the hospital she wore a T shirt (side snap kimono style) diaper and blanket. The SW had told me to bring an outfit to take her home in. I had a cute outfit that I bought for this day and when I put it on her I quickly realized that snaps are horrible. There were snaps all the way up and down her legs. I had no idea that babies wriggle around and kick their legs so much. Even at two days old this girl had leg power.

The next day, I went out and bought a bunch of T-shirts like she had in the hospital. OMG so much better.  For the first two weeks, she had the umbilical stump, so I liked having the half shirt to keep air flowing. The dr said not to do anything to the stump.

 After the stump fell off, I thought I would put her in a onesie since this was the one item that everyone mentioned over and over again. I put the first one on and it was tough to get it over her head without her getting really upset. It was really tough to get her arms into the holes since they were very rigid and I was worried about hurting her. It was so much more work than the simple side snap.

Then I was getting ready to leave the house and her diaper blew out the side and the onesie got messy on the bottom.  ERGHH so I just cut off the bottom and left the house bc I could not deal with trying to get it off and then put another one back on.  On that day, I hated onesies and did not really get the appeal. She went back to the side snap.

She continued to wear the side snap, diaper, blanket combo for the first 4 weeks. It was so easy. I could quickly open the blanket and check the diaper. Then since the T-shirts were side snap they did not have to go over her head. They were very easy to get onto her arms too. The shirts were white and I found that oxy clean totoally got out any formula/drool stain. I did also buy her a bunch of newborn sleepers with zippers. They were hard to find bc most sleepers had snaps. The sleepers were great and she wore them during the day if it was cold. They did not have to go over her head and they were quick to open and close.

After the first month, she started to get more active and the side snap would start to ride up. That is when the light bulb went off why the onesie is so great. I also was just out of my 30 day return period so I felt more comfortable taking the tags off of her clothes. I started to dress her in onseis and now I love them. She has a ton bc that is what everyone gives you. She has all sorts of colors and it has been really fun to "dress" her up.

If I ever got the chance again, I would still  start out with the side snap shirts/zipper sleepers until about 4 weeks old. She is so much bigger now and fits into 0-3 months clothes at 7 weeks old. She does not seem to mind getting dressed now, so I am wondering if her head is more solid and when she was younger maybe it was more sensitive. I also found that putting her arms into a onesie early on was very hard and it is much easier now, so maybe her arms are more flexible.

Friends and family continue to drop off clothing. I am starting to get larger sizes which is great. The larger sized clothing looks more like real clothing. There are dresses, shorts, etc. I had a huge bag of clothes so one day I sorted them all out and put them into her closet by size.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Moving into the new house

When she was about 2 weeks old, we moved into our new house. This was quite challenging with a small baby. Thankfully we have  some great friends who helped us move the smaller stuff so we could save money and only pay movers for the large furniture. We had lived in that house for 12 years and could not believe how much stuff we had packed into that house. This was a great chance to organize and purge.  It took us about two weeks to move enough stuff over before we got the movers. Towards the end it was difficult bc most of our stuff was in the new house but we could not sleep there since our furniture was still in the old house.

The day the movers came, we watched them pack up our stuff and then we all went over to the new house. There was a ground bee nest near the front walkway that we explicitly told the movers to avoid.  Everything was going great until one mover walked in and said he got stung. I went into first aid mode and got him some ice for the sting and some water. He asked for some benedryl. I thought nothing of it. After a few minutes he started to look a little pale and my gut told me that I should call 911. We were not really sure and debated about it. Then he says he's going to pass out and he is allergic to bees. WHAT? really, so you are allergic to bees, and never mention this until the last minute???  UGHH so we call 911 but he had been stung a good 5 min or more before we called, so it didn't look good.

I was holding the baby outside on the phone with the operator waiting for them to arrive. I could hear in the background that this guy was getting sick...........ergh thankfully not on my new floor bc someone found an empty gift bag. I told the operator and she said it was normal but that did not make me feel better. I started crying and freaking out.  She told me if he passes out I have to do CPR on him. I thought he was going to die.

They took about 10 min to get there. They finally got there and said that the benedyl probably saved his life. He was going to be okay and then they took him out on the stretcher.  His coworkers had no idea he had an allegery and he was a new hire.

It took me about a week to stop seeing his body passed out on my floor.

Monday, August 3, 2015

She's Here

On Sunday July 19 we got a voice mail from the sw saying that the baby had been born and she was healthy. She called me back on Monday to say that everything was going as planned. They were going to visit bm in the hospital at 2pm with the lawyer to sign papers. We were to arrive at the hospital at 3pm and wait in the lobby. The sw would call us to tell us if she had signed the papers or not. We also found out that we had the chance to say overnight and take care of the baby.

We arrived at the hospital with our gift bag and asked for the delivery section We sat anxiously in the lobby waiting for the call. We got the call and everything was done. We went upstairs and met the bm. She was holding our daughter. It was really awkward since it was our first time meeting her. She was sweet. She gave me the baby to hold. I just sat there staring at the sleeping baby. It was amazing. We gave the bm her present and then the sw led the discussion.

We spoke for a while and then the sw told her that we would take the baby to the next room and asked her to say good bye. I handed her the baby and asked if she wanted to be alone. She said it was ok. She said good bye and we wheeled the baby next door. The bm was discharged that day.

As I walked in the room with dh, the baby, and the sw I started to cry tears of joy. I could not believe this was really happening. We spoke with her for awhile and then she left. The baby was asleep so dh and I looked at each other and did not know what to do next.

He went out to get us some food. I stayed with the baby. We spent the night. I made sure to tell the nurses about our situation and that I had no idea of what I was doing. They were really great. They taught me so much.

We took the baby home the next day. We had to take her to the dr for a check up. She is really healthy. 8 pounds, 19 inches. She passed all of her newborn tests including the drug screening that the agency requested. She is very sweet. I love her already.
In our state the bm has 30 days to change her mind. The sw said not to post her name or photo on the internet until after the 30 days. The sw has already spoken with bm a few times and she is doing well. We have gave the sw some prints to give the bm of us holding the baby and some of the baby sleeping and awake.

We have had her home for 2 weeks now. Which is half way!  I have been very busy. She eats every 2-3 hours. Then she needs to burp and get a diaper change, so by the time she goes to sleep it is almost time to eat again.

She is amazing. I love her and had an immediate bond with her from the moment she was first placed in my arms.

Sunday, July 19, 2015


We decided that we would contact the sw on Monday 7/20, since that would be a week since the last time I contacted her. On Friday, 7/17, I got a phone call from the sw.

The sw said that the bm had gone to the hospital and she might be in labor. We spoke a little bit about the next steps. She said that we had to wait and see what the bm wanted to do. She might want to see us right aft birth or she may wait until discharge time. The could be 2 days for natural birth and 4 days for c-section. She said that we might bring this baby home on Sun or Mon.

She also mentioned that discharge could take 3 hours and we had to attend a newborn care class.
I got really excited and called dh. The bm went to a local hospital that specializes in women's issues. Everyone around here loves that place. It is small and has great staff. The sw also said that they are very adoption friendly. She called them to remind them of the case details and gave them our names.

After I got off the phone with her, I went into cleaning mode. I think it was a combination of trying to keep my mind off of it while also making sure my house was ready for a baby.

A few hours later the sw called back and said it was a false alarm. The bm was not in labor so they sent her home.  I was expecting to get another call back that night or the next day, but here I am on Sunday with no news.

The positives that I am focusing on are the fact that I actually got a call when she went to the hospital. I am very happy about that since I was under the impression I would only get a call after the birth. This means that I will get a day or two prior notice. She saw the dr on Fri which makes me feel better knowing that everything seems to be ok.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Trying to be Patient

We found out about this baby about 4 weeks ago. I only really started to feel like I was waiting about two weeks ago. The due date was yesterday, so now I feel like I am stuck in the 2ww but I can not poas.

I emailed the sw on Monday to try and get an update. I was surprised when she wrote me back later that day. She said that the bm was doing well and she was still extremely pregnant. She had a dr apt later that day and the sw would try to get an update on Tues.

Now it is Thurs and I never heard back from the sw. I can't harass the sw and risk getting her mad, so I have to be very careful about how often I contact her. She has been very nice to me lately so I don't want to jeopardize that.

We are trying to be patient but it is very hard. I am trying to focus on the positives" the bm is seeking medical attention at this point, and she is still interested in us. I told dh to enjoy our dinkhood while it lasts. This has helped him a little.