Saturday, December 20, 2014

BM Meeting

I am sure that everyone is curious about how it went....................

We were both excited the night before and could not sleep. We got up at 5:30 and were ready to leave by 7 am. It was a three hour drive and our apt was at 11am so we wanted to get there on time and make sure that we allowed for getting lost, traffic etc.

We were on the road for about an hour when the SW called to tell us that the BM cancelled the meeting bc on of her kids was very sick. I was disappointed but I understood that her kids come first. We decided to just keep driving and visit my parents who live a little further down in the same direction.

On the way down, my dh had a meltdown. It was all the stuff he has been holding in for the past 8 years. At first I thought it was good for him to get some of it off of his chest but then he just kept going on and on. I think for me it was easier to separate the pain from infertility from the hope of the adoption. For him, it has just been one long painful roller coaster.

We had a good visit with my dad and I think it was a good distraction. On the way home, dh took a long nap and then we had a long talk. He is really frustrated and this part is really hard for him.

I have lots of flexibility with my job so if I have to just take off the next day, I can. His job is understanding but he has limited days off to use and dh is upset that he might have to burn his time off for nothing. We spoke about how it will be all worth it some day, but it is hard for DH to visualize that possibility. He is not a gambler by nature and does not take a lot of risks.

The SW updated us a few days later and said that they are giving the BM some space bc her kids are still sick, she is concerned about the holidays next week, she is very close to her due date. So basically we have to be ready to  run if we get a call to reschedule.

At this point, with her due date being only ten days away and Christmas in the middle, I would imagine that we might not meet until after she gives birth. At least we would have a better idea if she really wants to go through with the adoption. Then if we interview at the hospital and she picks us, we would just take the baby home which would save us a trip.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Surprise Profile Showing

Today during lunch, my DH called. He was all freaked out bc the sw called him about a possible case. He wanted to know why I didn't tell him. He gets freaked out too easily and since she was not due until April I figured there was no reason to tell him until I had more information.

Well it turns out that there was another case that I did not know about. The other SW emailed me and I never got it. She showed our profile anyway. The BM liked our profile and we are one of two couples picked.  =)

OMG................... so I had no idea that my profile was shown and now we are in the top two....... She is due Dec 30th. But she is starting to have pains and since this is her 5th pregnancy we are thinking she might go early..

We have to meet with her on Dec 17. She wants to meet her top two couples to make her decision. This is crazy. She is about 3 hours away, so it is manageable but not local. Due to her close due date this meeting could get rescheduled, so we have to try our best to remain flexible.

DH was totally freaking out. I told him that we need to say yes and just wing it.  Then he started to freak out about the fact that we have no idea how to take care of a baby and that we only have about 2 weeks to prepare. I reminded him that we have been waiting 8 years, so I'm tired of waiting. I told him that we need to take one step at a time. This is our first BM interview so we may not even get picked.

He told his coworkers and they said they would throw him a shower....  it made him feel better. I am glad that he told them, bc I think it is good for him to talk about it. He never spoke about IF to anyone bc he was too embarrassed. Now he has been using the word adoption more often. When we go out and people ask us if we have kids, he tells them that we are waiting to adopt.

I was so excited today that I could not contain myself. I want to celebrate making it to a top two even if I don't get picked. I told a few close friends and some family.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Second Possible Case

Today is the due date for that first possible case I had. I was sad today thinking about how different my day could have been. All the what ifs surrounding the possible birth.

I am not sure if I feel sad bc it was my first chance at being an adoptive parent or if I will feel this way each time I get turned down.

I finally got around to checking my email. I am old fashioned bc I like to check it on my desktop with the large screen and not the tiny screen on my phone. I was scrolling the list of messages when I saw the SW with the title possible case.

OMG I was so excited to get my second chance. So far there is nothing to go by other than the BM was 5 months along and wanted to have 2-3 visits per year. The SW wanted to know if that was ok with us. Then she was going to gather more info.

I wrote  her back  saying yes as long as she was within a few hours, I said that I assumed the BM was somewhat local or within our state. We will see what she says. Hopefully I did not ruin my chance. I hope saying "a few hours" is vague enough. I have to make this commitment so if I say I will visit 3 times a year, which is every 4 months I have to make sure that I am capable of doing so.

I also said if she was close enough we could do more than that. I am very open to visits. That is not an issue for me. When I first started I was scared of visits with the BM but after reading about how important it is for the child, I am comfortable with it.

So we will see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully the BM does not live too far, bc I would like to learn more and see if this would be a good match.

The timing would be great bc I think that would be April or May which would work out great with my teaching schedule. This would also give me time to prepare. On the other hand, she is only 5 months along so she would also have more time to think about it.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

First Profile Showing part 2

I was tired of waiting, so I emailed the SW. She wrote me back one sentence. Something like the BM chose another family, sorry... let's move forward. No feedback, just a sentence. I did not really expect much due to her personality.

So know we know. At least now I can relax.  There are a lot of crazy things going on in the next few weeks, so on one hand I am relieved that we did not get picked.....but that is me trying to stay positive. It would have been nuts, but we would have dropped everything  and made it work. I am disappointed that we did not get picked. =(

It was my first showing so I did not expect to get picked. It was a crazy tww trying to think about it actually happening for once. It is so wild that I could have brought home a baby next month.

My hope is that now we have had our first showing, more will come.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

First Profile Showing

Last week, the SW emailed me to ask me if she could show my profile. This was the first time she asked. I was so excited to finally get a chance. We read over the case. It is confidential so I can't really tell you much. When you sign up to adopt, you have to check off yes, no, maybe for tons of items. The SW said that many people have many issues and you never know how truthful they are so there are no real guarantees.

This case seemed to fit within our comfort zone. There were a few items that could become future issues, but there were also many that were missing which was good.  We decided to give it a chance and said yes.

She is due next month. That gave us many emotions all at once. We were scared to get picked, scared not to get picked. Excited at the chance to become parents, scared that we would become parents in less than a month. She could also go into labor early.........

I felt totally unprepared. OMG it was nuts. We had to just put it all in God's hands and not worry. She may not even pick us.

That was ten days ago. I have no idea how long they give the BM to pick. I would love it if the SW would even just let us know if we are still in the running, if she had narrowed it down a bit and excluded us etc. I understand that this is a really important decision for the BM, but it is also a life changing decision for us. I feel like I'm in another dreaded 2ww.

If anyone has any experience with this, please let me know what time frame is normal to expect a response. Does the SW usually tell you if you are not picked?

Sunday, November 9, 2014


I have a confession to make. I gave into the TTC temptation and I regret it. Now that I am over it, I can write about it. I am much happier now that it has passed.

A few months back when I was just about ready to get approved to adopt, someone who I never thought would get pregnant did. It was a miracle for her. I was truly happy for her. But then it hit me. I had accepted that some women just don't get pregnant for unknown reasons. She was one of them. It threw me off that she finally got pregnant after years of not trying anymore. She did two things differently. One her DH got some testosterone treatment and the other was to take a supplement.

I could not control the urge to try something new. So I took the same supplement in hopes that it would be my miracle cure. The first month seemed fine. I had a 28 day cycle and no symptoms. The next cycle was crazy and I had symptoms to make me ponder. I had mid cycle spotting. Then I had intense sore nipples in the 2ww. I mean they were out of control. I was in so much pain. They could have cut glass. I started to have some early spotting, but then AF came on day 25.

I was going to try the supplement for the third month, but then I decided that it was enough. I was tired of riding the roller coaster. I stopped the supplement and then I realized that it had made me incredibly constipated. I usually battle that issue, but once I stopped the supplement I was so regular and I started to get my appetite back. I heard my stomach growl for the first time in a while. AF came again on day 25. This month my nipples were not sore at all.

I know you are thinking that having no appetite is great, but for me it makes me gain weight bc when I am not hungry I don't want to eat anything healthy. I ate a lot of ice cream, bread, and other junk food and gained 15 pounds. I have lost 5 this month.

I also got an email last week about a possible case. I will write about that in my next post.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Waiting Time:Two Months

Today I thought I would check my blog and saw that it has been two months since I last posted. Sept is the start of a new school year for me so I have also been very busy. There has not been anything new to report on the adoption process. We have been waiting for the past two months to get a match.

At first I was content with just being done with all of my paperwork and was happy to relax.
Then reality hit me............We have been waiting for two months and I have not heard anything from the sw. She said she would call me before she showed my profile. I guess it is possible that if there was a perfect match she would have just shown it without calling.

We are going into  the time of year with lots of  holidays and then the weather gets colder. I am not going to harass her yet. I will give it a few more months.