Monday, April 6, 2015

Easter Sunday

Woke up and it was CD 1. This was only a 21 day cycle. That has been the norm for me for awhile so I was kind of expecting it, but still in denial hoping that it would not show for another week. One of these days I will deal with this and see the dr for more progesterone. I was not feeling well and was not looking forward to a long drive to see my family. I did want want to go but I made dh promise me the other day that he would make us go bc I had not seen my family in a few months. The car ride was easy, the roads were full but no major traffic jams.

We walk in the door and were greeted by family members. It was nice and I was really happy that I made it. Then my mom pulls me aside to tell me that my cousin who is not married got his girlfriend pregnant and she is having a girl due in Sept. Woah ambush. He is 32 so at least he is not too young, but it was a total surprise since I think that first time she came around was Thanksgiving so I know that they have not been dating that long. That means it was unplanned and did not take long. UMMM so jealous. At least I found out about my cousin's baby in person and not on FB.

They are both quiet and shy so I think they were also embarrassed at not being married so things were mostly quiet about it. At first I was relived bc I was still in shock and panic mode and was not sure if I would be able to make it. At the end of the night, I was starting to feel better about it, but I was still very sad for myself and my parents.

There were three small children there and so of course everyone talks about them and how cute they are and how they wish there were more children around........ummm burn. Then of course everyone loves to start telling birth stories. My sister gave birth in her car and we had to hear that story again...........ergh oh and then she says how it cost her $3,000 to have her child bc that is her deductible. I had to bite my tongue. Yeah I am sure that for most fertile people who have fertile friends who pay little to nothing for the hospital that is a lot of money. I have already put down $8,000 deposit and have nothing to show for it so paying $3,000 to bring home a healthy baby is pocket change.

Over all I had a nice visit and I was glad that I came. I had a lot of nice conversations with family members. I played with some of the kids which was fun.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Case #5 Updated

Dh called me today during work and said the SW called him. I got really excited until he said that the bm chose another couple. On the bright side at least the SW called us this time and we did not have to wait to call her.

This one hit me really hard. I feel the sadness and disappointment of a bfn. The bm was due at the end of the school year which is perfect timing for me. I tried for years to have this happen on my own. Every year when it would line up I would get excited and then nothing happened. Today I got slapped in the face again.

We did  not get any calls for two months and then this was over in a flash. Who knows when the next chance will come along? I am getting really discouraged. I am losing my patience. I want to take all the money I have saved for this adoption and just run away to the Caribbean.

I wanted to give the sw a few months to see how many cases we got. Now I am starting to wonder how much I need to start advertising on my own. I didn't really want to do this for many reasons, but now I worry that I have to.

Friends and family are starting to get discouraged too bc they don't understand how this works. They are complaining to me that this is taking too long and that really annoys me. I am trying to keep my cool but I want to yell profanities at them.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Case #5

January and February were very silent. We did not get any calls. Then in the first week of March we got a call. This BM is due early July.We agreed to show our profile. Now we are waiting to hear back on whether or not our profile gets selected to go to the next round. I will wait about two weeks before I contact the SW.

This was the first time that the due date was not in the same month as the call. While it is nice to have more time to prepare, there is also more time to wait before the baby is born and worry about the bm changing her mind and choosing  to parent.

Agency Stats for number of couples listed:

My state 29
---My local branch   3
---Western Branch    8
---Southern branch 18

The other two states combined 20

Thursday, February 5, 2015

January Update

January came and went with no contact from the SW. It was really nice to take a break, but now I am thinking about it again.

I checked my agency's website to see how many profiles are listed.  My agency is national so I have to look at the 5 branches that are in my region.

 Agency Stats for number of couples listed
My state has 30 total
---3 in my local branch,
---9 in the western branch
---18 in the southern

The other two states have  16 combined.

I'm pretty sure the last time I checked, there were more so that means they are  making placements.

My hope is that the number of profiles continues to go down which will increase my chance of getting picked.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Case number 3 update

We were very patient and waited to hear if the bm had the baby or if she wanted to reschedule the interviews or not. Her due date was Dec 30 and  after that passed I got a little less patient. I decided that one week after the due date was patient enough. On Jan 6th, I emailed the SW to get an update.

Today she emailed us and said that the bm chose to parent. I am disappointed but not upset. I had a feeling in my gut when she cancelled the interview and then we never heard back.  I had to get closure so I  could move on.

Now life is back to where it was. The last two months were crazy so I am fine if we get a little break before the next case. It is emotionally exhausting to wait around for a month wondering if you will become a parent. This is worse than the TWW of TTC.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Updates on Case #3 and # 4

Side note: I solved the mystery of the large white space.  The spacing is normal in chrome but not in firefox or IE, 

We decided to turn down a profile showing for case number 4. It was a hard decision, but it is important that DH and I agree on the case and have no regrets. The bm was very young, and wanted a lot of openness and contact through texting and phone calls. She also wanted us to have contact with the other family that she placed a child with last December. I am fine with visits bc you know how many you need to have for the year. I can commit to that. What this bm wanted was very ambiguous and it sounded like she wanted to be friends and just chat all the time. I was not comfortable with that situation. 

We are still waiting to hear from case #3. This was the one where we are one of two couples and we are waiting to interview. Her due date is in three days, on Dec 30. I am trying really hard to be patient, but it is tough since you are not sure if she will continue with the adoption plan or not. That is the first hurdle, then we have to worry about whether or not she will pick us.  We have to live our lives but we are aware that we are on call.

Everyone has been so excited for us, it is nice to have this momentum of hope around me. I know that this may not be the final case for us, but we are getting very close.  We don't have anything baby related in our house. We usually avoid the baby isle. We know that the car seat is the one thing we have to have, so I wanted to buy it now, but dh was not ready. I took DH to the store the other day to look at car seats. This was a huge step for us.  My plan is to keep exposing him to the car seats every time we go to a store that has them. 

For Christmas I gave DH The Baby Owner's Manual.  He likes to read and this book seemed like it was geared towards men.  I thought the concept was clever since you always hear people saying that babies don't come with a  manual. I hoped that this would be a fun way for him to start getting comfortable and excited about this actually happening. 

Monday, December 22, 2014

Possible Case #4

Side note. Do you see a large white space at the top between the header and the post. The past few days I have seen this and I am not sure what is going on. 

I am still waiting to hear back to see if the BM wants to reschedule or not. I am doing alright with living in the moment and not thinking about the what ifs.

I got home today and saw an email from the SW about another possoble case. The BM is due tomorrow. She is very young and is parenting two children. She placed a child for adoption last year through my agency. She wanted to place this child with the same couple but they cannot afford another adoption at this time.

She wants the two children to be able to know each other and the other couple agreed. She wants one visit a year and for us to upload photos to a website for her to see. I don't much much else. I would like to know how close the adoptive couple live.

Holy cow! I wish I had checked my email during the day so I could have called the SW and asked her questions. DH saw this during the day and never called me. I was a little annoyed. I asked him why he never called. He said that he is tired of all of this......... ugh

He wants us to reread the bio and talk it over. I told him that unless there is a major issue that sticks out, which I did not see, he should say yes. or at least call me and I can decide.

This is crazy! I am so excited..........................